Making a change, for the better.

It is always there, watching, lurking in the shadows, waiting to strike its vulnerable prey. I just so happen to be that prey, and my depression is my biggest predator.
It seems to get worse in waves, I will be fine for a while, and then BAM it hits and all my hope is gone. Being pregnant and having all of that added hormone bull crap doesn’t help one bit.
As I was lying in bed last night, trying to fall asleep, it felt like a big wave came and took my under. I so desperately wanted to just cry myself to sleep, but I have done that so many nights that I refused to give into its seducing allure.
My husband was sound asleep, just inches from me, snoring peacefully, after a long night at work. It made me realize that I always seem to be the most depressed when I am surrounded by those that I love.  You would think being surrounded by loved ones would cheer me up, brighten my day, but it does not. I don’t have many friends in this town, and the only family I have is my husbands. It is hard. My husband always tells me “each person controls how they react to a situation.” It is true. I control how I react, and ultimately how I feel.
I decided I need to make a change, and try and look at things on the brighter side. I also need to try and figure out what causes me to be so sad, and see if there is a pattern to the waves. One of the things that will help me in doing that, is to remember to do things for myself every once and a while. That is a simple idea really, but one I struggle with. I don’t feel as though I am worthy enough to do something for me.
Well I started that change last night. I did not give in to the oh so decadent idea of rolling over and crying my self to sleep like the so, so many pervious nights. No, instead, I picked up my kindle and started to read. I got a kindle a couple of months ago, and at first read all the time, then my depression took over and I didn’t pick the thing up for weeks at a time. I even contemplated selling it, why own a $100 electronic if you are never going to use it. Slowly I have been picking it up more and more. I have decided that every night, instead of laying in bed desperate to fall asleep, I will pick up that kindle and read. Now ever since I was a kid reading has given me more energy, rather then tire me out, so I am giving my self a limit. I will read no more than 5 chapters a night, that might seem like a lot, but I read fast. I so wanted to finish my book last night, but instead I put it down once I reached my goal.
Ultimately, rather then being stricken with grief and allowing my brain to go in a vicious circle of sadness, I was able to give my brainy some fictional zombie goodness to ponder.
I am happy to say that I chose to react differently to a situation, and I succeeded.

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Six Word Saturday–August 20, 2011

Pretty simple to participate, you just describe your life, or something, in only 6 words. Then you go back to Show My Face and link it up. Feel free to check out all the other six words too!

 

 

 

I need to learn to budget!!

Thursday Thirteen… My week in pictures!

Its Thursday again! Over at Thursday 13, is a blog dedicated to list making! ooooh I am in love already! Every Thursday you share your list of 13, whatever it may be! Be sure to check it out because there is some interesting lists.

Thursday Thirteen… my week in pictures!!!

1.

This is what I awoke to one morning!

2.

I cleaned my daughters bed room! With her help!

3.

CLEANish (after)

4.

We made homemade strawberry lemonade!

5.

I had chocolate cake.. on two seperate occasions!

6.

I watched my daughter as she put a puzzle together all by her self!

7.

I'm hosting a coupon give away! for more info click here8.

I ate one of my favorite meals! You can find the recipe here

9.

I relaunched my Celebrating Home business!

click here for more information on Cerebrating Home

 

10.

We got to see the baby, and got mixed news!

11.

I watched my daughter paint a rainbow,, most impressively she knew the order of the colors! Including Indigo!

12.

Janice received two new Cabbage Patch dolls complete with accesories.. I love that she loves the same toys I did when I was a kid!

13.

Got to visit with family, and baby kitties! Janice and her Aunt Mandy!

Menu Plan Monday Aug 15-Aug 21 (and I won a giveaway)

Laura, over at I’m An Organizing Junkie, has an amazing thing called Menu Plan Monday. Tons of menus, complete with recipes, and many times shopping lists.

Click on the picture to see 100s of more menus!

Here is my menu, but don’t forget to stop by and check out all of the other menus!

Menu Plan Monday! Week of August 8-August 19

Monday:   Crescent Roll Tacos, recipe and pictures have been posted! Yum!

Tuesday:  Crock Pot Pork Steaks

Wednesday:  Chicken Dumpling Soup

Thursday: Quinoa and Black Beans

Friday:  Sausage and Lentil Soup

Saturday:   Chili

Sunday:   Chili Dogs

I will attempt to post the recipes, and pictures, for all of those meals throughout the week. There are two new meals to this family and I am excited to see what we think of them.

I won something. That’s right… me! 🙂

Kortney, over at Kortney’s Krazy Life, had a Fiber One giveaway. The giveaway was for a box of the new Fiber One 80 Calorie Cereal, a usb pedometer, and an arm band that holds an ipod/mp3 player! I am so excited it will be just what I need to get me out and walking once this baby is born!

Be sure to check out her site because she has a new giveaway going on now!!

Once my facebook site, or my twitter site receive 100 likes I will be having my very first giveaway. SO GET LIKING people! 🙂

I hope everyone has a great week!

Aloha Friday!

Hello again my Friday Friends. I have been AWOL this week, so I am hoping Aloha Friday will snap me back into gear!

For those of you who don’t know, Aloha Friday is a fun meme where you ask a question and other bloggers/friends stop by and answer it!

For more question and answer fun check out An Island Life!

 

I have a BIG tendenicy of freaking out over things that are either not that big of a deal, or that are out of my control completely. Its one of my biggest character flaws (in my opinion anyway) and it is something that I want to work on to become a better human being.

My question to you, is a two parter, feel free to answer one, both, or none!

 

How do you let go of things, or not worry about things to begin with?

AND

What is something you feel like you need to work on to become a better you?

 

Slow going, but at least I am still going!

It has been a long past couple of days. That is part of the reason why I didn’t do my nightly post yesterday, I was too tired and my brain hurt.

Yesterday was a rough day for sure. I had a tremendous headache, every time I tried to do something my head would hurt more. I took a three hour nap shortly after waking up for the day, didn’t think anything of it. Woke up, a couple hours later I was trying to put laundry away, with an excruciating headache, and ended up falling asleep again! Only two hours this time, but that is a long nap since all I was doing was putting away laundry. An hour or so after that, my head started to hurt so bad that I went to lay down again, this time I had a friend be my alarm clock so I only took a 30 min nap.

 

I was exhausted, didn’t want to do anything and dinner was fast approaching. I had decided screw dinner. I was not going to make dinner. Janice could have chicken nuggets and Andy could figure out his own dinner, even though he did just work ALL day. That was my plan and I was sticking to it. Made Janice her chicken fingers, but she needed more than that, so I cooked up the broccoli and made a pasta alfredo side (took all of 5 min.) THEN, I remembered I pulled out the fish already. You can’t refreeze fish, you could but you shouldn’t. It creates all sorts of bacteria! Yuck! So then I just knew I had to cook it  up . We don’t have the money to be wasting food like that.

It took 6 min to make my plate, and 6 to make Andy’s. I am proud to say, it was good. Even Andy liked it, and he hates fish. The good thing about Tilapia is that it doesn’t taste like much of anything. It is a great starter fish because it tastes like whatever you put on it. I blackened it so it tasted like spices.

 

 

Janice and I made up her before bed routine page, complete with pictures and she loved it. She was so excited, and even followed it to a t. She was in her room by 8:00pm. That never happens. She didn’t fall asleep on her own, I can’t wait until she does. I clean up my kitchen and then went to lay with her. She has a lulaby cd she listens to at night. It has 17 tracks, I always tell her that when the cd is over I am leaving. She tosses and turns, as I rub her tummy or back, for the whole thing. At tack 14 I remind her when its over I am leaving… she is ALWAYS asleep before track 16 starts..little brat.

Good news is, I went to bed with a clean house AGAIN. It was great, Janice picked up the living room and put everything away, before dinner. She was excited to help, it makes her proud of her self.

My head was still in a lot of pain. The head ache seemed to worsen as the day progressed so I emailed my doctor to see what she thought I should do. First thing this morning, I had gotten an email saying the office would call to set up an appointmet, I should be seen right away. They called shortly after opening, to set up my appointment, wanted me to come in right away, but I wasn’t allowed to drive myself. So I had to wait until 3 for Andy to get home so he could drive me!

It was a long day, took a shower, took a nap, went to the doctor. The doctor was very nice, not the usual doctor I see but very nice. She did a series of tests to check out all areas of my brain, I passed. Andy thought it was hilarious!  Janice loved when she did the reflex test. The doctor even checked Janice’s reflexes, she loved that even more. I passed, which is a good thing. The doctor said I have a mild concussion, but nothing that wont work its self  out. She told me to try and rest my brain… dark quiet rooms, no housework, no reading, no watching tv, (Im sure no blogging, but she didn’t say no computer), no housework, no stimulation of the brain basically because it would cause it to strain thus making the healing process that much longer.

We got home from dinner, (we got paid today and I decided I din’t want to cook, a habit we NEED to break.) I took a two hour nap, it was nice. Now, as I am writing this even, I am in the process of getting Janice to sleep. I told her she could sleep on the couch tonight. She was mad, said it wasn’t on the list. I said it was a special night since its a weekend, she was okay with it then. The real reason was that I didn’t want to fight with her, unfortunately we are still fighting over stuff.

All I need to do before I can go to bed is put the dishes away, and wipe down the counters. The living room is clean, the dining room is clean. I am proud of myself that even though I am in a lot of pain, I am still able to do the basics and keep my house clean. I didn’t do my baby step today, but rather then getting mad at myself about it and giving up, I will just do it tomorrow. After all, Slow and Steady wins the race!

It might actually work this time!

I had a good day today. I accomplished a lot, and received some great compliments!

It was a late start today. I couldn’t sleep last night, due to being afraid I had hurt baby, and because it was so hot. Finally at around 4am, I felt baby moving around so I was able to actually get into a deep sleep. Got out of bed and played a small game of housework bingo. Glad I did because its what got me really up and moving.

Janice and I put the baby bed up! It was quite the process!

We had a hard time putting it up!

We were quite the pair trying to get this bed up and together. FINALLY after some facebook friends, and good ol you tube… we figured out how to put it all together!

What a big helper!

She was proud of all the hard work that we accomplished. We took about 5 pictures, because she was so excited and wanted to keep posing with the bed!  She sure is a cutey.

Once we got the bed up and made, it was time to go through the clothes. Every time I would get them sorted into piles my cute daughter would mess them up all over again. I had to remind myself she was cute more than once today. I decided it would be best if I did it myself, and told her to go watch her shows.

Here it is, all sorted and packed away.

Ready for its first hockey game!

The tote from yesterdays post has all the clothes 6months and larger. They are divided in sections depending on size, with a piece of fabric between the sizes so I know where that size ends. Boy is on one side and girl is on the other side, making it a little easier to go through.

The baby’s corner is almost done. We will be hanging a shelf that will hold all of the diapers, and they will be in arms reach of the changing pad. I am also thinking that I should hang up some sort of art work above the bed so baby can have something bright to look at.

So that was an acomplishment and would have gone to bed having a great day, but thats not all that happened!

For the past month, we have been dealing with a ‘broken’ air conditoner. It was broken, it just wasnt working correctly. We told the landlord, he sent someone over who cleaned it out and it worked a bit better. A week went by, and the apartment was still not cool. The coolest it got to was 84. Thats not cool for a pregnant woman trust me! Told the landlord again today and they stopped by again.

They knocked on the door, and I was able to open it proudly, instead of being embarassed. I said “come on in, don’t mind the clutter” Baby steps…progress not prefection. They came in, found the return air vent. It was hiding BEHIND the fridge. It was DISGUSTING!!! We moved the fridge to where the table was and moved the table to where the fridge was. I’ll post a picture tomorrow. It fantastic! We love the new look, and now that the vent was been all washed out, it has space in front of it for the air to flow! We are hoping that by tomorrow it will get cool in here, finally!

After they left, my sweet husband said “You have NO idea how happy I am that you have been cleaning this house all week.” What a great thing to hear. He hates that our house is messy, its embarassing. He didn’t even like when his family came over, because like I said it is embarassing! Not now, we were able to have two people in our house, (one who was our landlord, and we work with both of them) and NOT be embarassed. I can’t wait for the day when I can open the door and say “Come In” Loudly and Proudly! I have only been flying again for a week and so much progress has happened already. It didn’t get messy in a week, it wont get clean in a week!

I could have ended my day then, and felt great…but it isn’t over yet! I have more to share!

A good friend of mine came over today. She hadn’t been over in a while. The last time she was here, the house was like it always was, a mess and in shambles. When she walked in the door, she said “WOW, look how great it is in here! So clean and open! Look at all that space.”  I was so happy, I was glowing! It is the little things that people say, that they don’t even realize, that make your day!

After dinner, the kitchen was a disaster! I didn’t even want to clean it up. Janice and I had played with her easy bake oven so the table was a wreck. There were dirty dishes ALL over the counter and stove and sink. I so didn’t want to worry about cleaning all that up, but I did. In 20 minutes I Loaded the dishwasher, cleaned the sink, cleaned the stove, started a new pitcher of  tea, put away the easy bake oven, tied my shoe, wiped down the table, packed Andy’s lunch, wiped off all my counters, soaked the crock pot to hand wash, lit the candle that sits on the table, drank a large glass of water, AND no thats it!  Yea thats right, my disaster zone kicthen is sparkling again in just 20 min. I am so happy that I decided to restart my baby steps!

Speaking of baby steps. Today was step 8, which was starting my control journal. I am proud of what I have done with it so far, but its a work of progress just like cleaning the house. Tomorrow’s baby step is one we need bad in this house. Number 9 is learn how to de-clutter your house a few min at a time.I can’t wait to rid my house of clutter!

My heat burn keeps creeping up so it is time for me to go to bed, AFTER I wash out that crock pot I left to soak.

Oh what a night!

One step forward two steps back.

Today was a lot of steps forward, with just one, LARGE step back.

I got a lot done today! Want proof of all my hard work, well then read my previous post! There are even pictures to prove it! I started out with a bang, ended in one to!

I worked hard, and did good. Then, out of no where, I got physically drained. I started to not feel so hot, all I wanted to do was lay down and call it quits. So that’s what I did, complete with Trauma: Life in the ER, one of my favorite tv shows.

An angel to my family, also my daughters god mother, has spoiled us since the day we found out we were pregnant with Janice. Why should I think it would be any different now that we are pregnant with Baby S. or Baby Hundley 2.0 as she likes to call it?! Today while resting, I received a beautiful blessing!

What a blessing it is!

The quality isn’t that great, because it was taken with my phone, but its good enough for you to tell that it is a big plastic tote FILLED with baby clothes! I was so excited about it, before I even opened it I was excited!

THEN… I opened it! I wish I had smell-a-blog. Every piece of clothing she has ever sent to us, has been washed, folded, and ready to go. Sometimes they even come on hangers so we can put them straight in the closet until its time to wear them. The fabric softener she uses smells amazing. I have started buying the dryer sheets of it now because of how much we adore the smell.

Trust me, they were packed in there MUCH nicer than they are now!

I went through every piece of clothing, Oooing and Ahhing with at every article of adorable baby clothing. If I don’t get any more clothes before this baby is born, I won’t stress out about it. I am sure I will be getting a lot more though.  Some of these pieces are for girls only, and some are for boys only. I am so excited, and can’t wait for tomorrow when Janice and I will be able to put them away in the finished baby area.

So, if you don’t remember I am relaxing when this package comes. I go through ever peice, and then put them back inside. Doing that task apparently makes me very nauseus (no I don’t think its really related) So I puke, big deal, I do that all the time anyway. Then I decide maybe I should eat something. I kick off my shoes and start some ramen noodles. As I am going to drain the extra water from the bowl, I slip on my slick kitchen floor. Dumping my bowl in the sink, falling face and belly down, and bonking my head on the cabinet on the way down. I was able to salvage my dinner, and eat it even!

My head is killing me. I am going to eat something tasty (aka sweet) and lay on my left side to try and get this baby moving. I am sure everything will be fine. It has been a rough go so far, and this baby is still fighting!

My baby step for tonight is to pull out clothes for tomorrow, might pull out Andy’s too. I told him about the idea and he liked it, maybe we will do it together!

Tomorrow is Baby Step #8, which is starting my control journal. I already have one all made up, from LAST time that I attempted to fly. It doesn’t do much good under the couch though. I will pull it out tomorrow and give it a fresh new over haul.

Although today started with a bang, and ended with one, I am still feeling pretty accomplished over all. Before bed I will need to empty the dishwasher and reload it, good thing is I didn’t make dinner tonight so I won’t have dinner dishes to do. Oh, I will also be pulling out my clothes for tomorrow, making it easier to get dressed to my shoes. I realized today, that when you sleep naked it makes it pretty easy to get dressed to your shoes when you first get out of bed too, but that is another post entirely!

 

Just another (not so) Manic Monday!

My day today was pretty low key and slowly paced, which was nice!

I woke up with horrible morning sickness, which caused me to not dress to my shoes, or even get dressed at all. In fact even now, while winding down for the night, I am still in my pajamas! Don’t worry, I still got a lot done today!!

I made dinner, that was step one. Made a pot roast in the crock pot, it was really good, especially the fatty parts! I even cleaned up after dinner. I can hear the dishwasher going now, its a relaxing sound because I know it means my kitchen is clean!

I worked in Janice’s room quite a bit. Still have more work to do, but I sorted all of her clothes which was much needed! When she gets home I am going to turn her into a fashion model so I can get rid of all of her 5t pants that don’t fit. By get rid of, I mean pack away in a tote until we find out if we are having a girl or not, doesn’t make sense throwing them away if I will need them soon anyway! I packed up all of her smaller clothes for that exact reason too.

I put out two “hot spots” which was my baby step for the day anyway. They both look so much better… it’s a good feeling making your home less cluttered, one hot spot at a time. I still have 100’s more, because lets face it, my whole house is a hot spot.

Over a week ago, some friends and I, went to a new goodwill outlet that sells by the pound. I got three BIG bags of clothes for the baby, and some for Janice. I also got all of the flannel and fleece I will need to make my inserts for my diapers. They have been in the car this whole time, waiting for their turn in the washing machine. Well my amazing husband surprised me today by bringing up all the bags, washed, dried and ready to be worn! It made my night! I was ecstatic! I went through them and separated them, once I get somewhere to put them I will separate them some more. I forgot how cute baby clothes are, maybe its because I am a mom!

Tomorrow, I plan on finishing the bed room. Okay, okay, not FINISHING but at least getting the baby’s area ready to go. I am excited to see it done. Although the baby is sleeping in our room, (don’t get me started), I have decided to NOT place the bed right next to mine. I don’t sleep well when I can hear other people moving around, or breathing. Its not fair for me to ask the baby to not move or breathe, so I just wot place it right next to my ears! I already have a basic idea of how I want things, so I am excited to see how it all turns out.

One of the things I have done, since I started flying again, is turn my already small kitchen into an eat in kitchen. Let me just tell you, I love it!

table in the kitchen, with a yummy baked apple pie candle!!

At first I was afraid I wouldn’t like it, but oh do I ever. We haven’t used it often, partly because Janice has been gone, but I am trying to not beat myself up about it. The biggest thing I am empressed about is that I have been able to keep it clear, the entire time its been in there. My dining room table was ALWAYS a mess, we couldn’t eat on it even if we wanted to. I think because the table is in the kitchen, and the kitchen is cleaned every night before bed, I am able to keep the table clean!

My house is still looking good. Instead of becoming upset that I didn’t get dressed to my shoes today, I am enjoying what I was able to accomplish. Tomorrow my baby step will be a tough one for me. #7 is picking out your clothes for the day, the night before. I have never been a fan of that, so we will see how it goes. I might get Andy to do that one too, because then he doesn’t have to rummage around the bed room at 2am looking for clothes to ware.

Tomorrow is Tuesday, and over at 5 Minutes for Mom they have a thing called “Tackle It Tuesday.” A bunch of moms, will write a post about a project they have been wanting to tackle, with before and after pictures. I am not going to tell you what project mine will be, because it would take away the element of surprise. I will, however, tell you that I am extremely excited to participate, and have already taken before pictures! Might not get it down tomorrow, but at least it will be started!

I am going to go enjoy my last night child free, might even allow myself to fall asleep on the couch, who knows!

I am PRETTY!

I had a pretty good day today!

Woke up a little before Janice again which was really nice. I never realized how nice it really is before these past two days! I now get why moms choose to wake up before their children! I plan on doing that more often, as of now anyway!

Janice is spending the night with her grandparents. I love those nights! I am sitting in a quiet house, watching stand up comedy with the Mr, and can go to bed, or eat a big bowl of ice cream, any time I please. It’s times like these I really appreciate having a night alone! They are few and far between, but I need to get them in now, because I am sure once the baby is born there will be even fewer!

A good friend stopped by this morning, it was glorious! I hadn’t seen her since April, even though it was only a 30 min visit it was much appreciated! She walked in the house and complimented me on how nice it looked, and that it smelt good! Even when we got to the kitchen she still said it looked nice and smelt good. (I didn’t let her go past the kitchen!) She is a fellow flybaby and has a son who is nearly six, so she knows how hard it can be. It is nice being complimented about your house though, weird!

We went to a family reunion today, the park it was at was beautiful! The weather must have been having hot flashes. It would be nice and cool, and then horribly hot and humid. I over did it for sure, by the time we left I was so sore I could barley move. The park was really relaxing, fully equipped with water falls and ducks!

I imagined myself walking down the waterfall!

I came to a realization in the park bathroom. It was a mixture of the dirty mirror and the ‘pregnancy glow’ I think. I realized today, I AM PRETTY! That’s right, I said it. I am pretty! I don’t know what it was but I felt pretty in that dirty bathroom, (I take it where I can get it). I told Andy that I realized that, and he agreed. I also told him I wanted to take a picture so I could remember it, but I HATE mirror pictures so I didn’t. A few min later Janice had to use the restroom, and guess what, she wanted to take a picture…so I did!!

So pretty, oh so pretty!

Janice had an absolute BLAST! She got to play with her Uncle Danny which she loves. The sound of her laughter erases away all the pain and stress that you can possibly have! I think it is true with all kids really! She also had fun playing the bean bag toss with her daddy and cousin Biff…. they would throw the bean bags, and Janice would run and collect them! It was cute as can be… see look:

Having fun in the sun!

Overall it was a good day! I have some toys to pick up and put away in the living room, then load and run the dishwasher for the night…but right now I am enjoying relaxing with my feet up in the quiet house!

I am excited for my baby step for tomorrow. Tomorrow is day 5, that is a whole work week that I will have been flying for! THAT IS AWESOME!  It is the little things that make me happy!

Day 5 baby step is:

“Are you hearing any of those nagging negative voices popping into your head? I want you to take a piece of paper and write down what you hear then I want you to turn those ugly words around and say something nice to yourself to negate the ugly words that they said.”  The Fly Lady

I have a big problem with holding on to negative thoughts and feelings, even those I heard almost 3 years ago, or even 7 years ago, or even 20 years ago. I know that the point of the baby step is to turn the negative thoughts you tell yourself around into something nice.  Baby steps towards a positive attuitde too!

oh so pretty!

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