About Me

This is my husband Andy, and our daughter Janice taken on Janices second birthday

This is my husband Andy, and our daughter Janice taken on Janice's second birthday

I figure since I am starting a blog that is supposed to be all about me, I better fill this part in.

I was born and raised in a small town of North Dakota and am so happy to be out of there. I now live in St Louis MO with my family and love the big city. My husband and I got together in July 2005, had Janice October 2006, got married July 2008 and are still just as madly in love with each other as we were to begin with.

I have been suffering through depression since I was nine years old when my parents got a divorce. I am the youngest of two children and my older sister practically raised me. Although my father has recently re-entered my life he never played a large role when I was growing up. My mother became diagnosed with fibromyalgia when I was five years old, and to this day I take partial blame (I know it sounds crazy but its an issue I have.)

After the death of my best friend, and some tramatic things at school I became an alcoholic and was drunk more often than I was sober. I was taken out of my house and placed in foster care which didnt help. My drinking began to increase when I was raped in 2003 and I started using heavier drugs. I eventually spent some time in jail (nearly a year if you count it all together but it was over a 3 year period.) Going to jail sobered me up, for the most part, even though the reasons I went were not on drug or alcohol charges.  I wish I could say that I have been clean and sober since then, but I cant. I still go out and drink, and when I do I tend to get pretty trashed, even if it was only two or three drinks. I need to work on it but its a hard long process, plus I live in the bar district of town so that doesn’t help.

We have lived in St Louis since November 2007 and I still don’t know anyone. I started working less than a week of us moving here and worked non stop, sometimes seven days a week. I lost my job in April of 2009 and was thrown deeper into my depression. I enjoyed staying home with my daughter for a while then I got another job, to help with the bills but more importantly to help with my sanity.

I am a huge artistic person and stopped creating completely in November of 2008 when my father moved in with us. November 18, 2009 my father passed away in my arms, in my kitchen. You guessed it my depression only worsened! There were days that I couldn’t get out of bed, no matter how hard I tried.  I ended up losing my job just a few short months after which made things that much worse.

April of 2010 I became employed again, and don’t worry, I’m still there!

My beautiful daughter will be five in October already, and I am due 11.11.11 with our second miracle! This blog will serve many purposes for this soon to be mother of two, who knows maybe it will even serve a purpose for you!


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tinman
    Aug 21, 2011 @ 05:16:21

    I noticed before in the little summary of you at the side that you suffer from depression, and it touched me because you’re so young.

    I’ve been through the depression thing too (though not for reasons anywhere near as traumatic as yours), so if you ever want to talk e-mail me at tinman18@live.ie.

    By the way, all things considered, I think you’re doing really well.


  2. Angie Smith
    Aug 23, 2011 @ 16:35:20

    Love ya! Maybe I need to write a blog.


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